


We'll Build Our Own Life

by Perpetual Motion (perpetfic)



Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: Domestic Fluff, Fluff, Foster Care, Found Family, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-07
Updated: 2020-07-07
Packaged: 2021-03-05 05:27:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,013
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25129261
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/perpetfic/pseuds/Perpetual%20Motion
Summary: Sonny discovers some interesting paperwork after he and Rafael move house.
Relationships: Rafael Barba/Dominick "Sonny" Carisi Jr.
Comments: 10
Kudos: 99





	We'll Build Our Own Life

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Ava_now](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ava_now/gifts).



> Happy birthday to Ava_Now, who is a total sweetheart and deserves all the birthday fic!

Rafael's three shelves deep in organizing all their books when Sonny comes out of their new home office looking perplexed. "Please do not tell me you've decided to completely reorganize the filing cabinet," Rafael says when he sees that Sonny's holding a manila folder in one hand.

"No," Sonny says quietly. He looks down at the folder, then opens it, staring at the papers inside like he can't really believe he's looking at them.

Rafael dusts his hands off on his jeans and takes a moment to stretch his back. "What'd you find?"

Sonny closes the folder, then holds it out to Rafael. "You never told me you applied to be a foster parent."

Rafael freezes momentarily. "I thought I'd gotten rid of that paperwork years ago," he says. He takes the folder from Sonny and opens it, a sudden wave of remembered disappointment and sadness welling up inside him. "It was when I was still in Brooklyn. You can probably figure out the story yourself. One too many cases with kids being abused by their parents or their guardians, and I got to thinking…" Rafael leafs through the paperwork, looking at the letters of reference that are slightly yellowed with age. He doesn't read them. Now that he's looking at them again, he can practically recite them, even all these years later. He closes the folder and looks at Sonny. "They turned me down," he says. 

Sonny looks at him with a small, sad smile. "I'm sorry," he says. 

"Honestly, it was probably for the best," Rafael replies. "It was a heat of the moment decision, and I--"

"You had home visits," Sonny interrupts. "You went through a massive background check. You laid out a support network and were open to taking older kids. That's not a heat of the moment decision."

Rafael takes a deep breath, surprised at how shaky it is. He blinks and feels tears in his eyes. "I…" He clears his throat and looks away from Sonny. "I really wanted it, and they said no," he says, voice a whisper. "I was single and worked too many hours, they said. I didn't have a history of caring for children. It wouldn't be a good fit."

"Oh, Rafael," Sonny says, and he wraps Rafael in a hug, arms tight around his ribs. 

Rafael hugs back, pressing his forehead to Sonny's shoulder and breathing in slow and easy. Sonny smells like dust and paper and sweat. There are tiny flecks of paper on his sweatshirt, no doubt from digging around in the filing cabinet they hadn't had a chance to sort through before the move. "I thought about reapplying when Liv found Noah," he says into Sonny's shoulder. "But then I saw how harshly she was getting treated for working too much and being single, and I didn't want to go through everything again just to get denied a second time."

Sonny kisses Rafael's temple and hums quietly. It's tuneless and soothing, something he does automatically that Rafael loves. He's imagined Sonny humming in the same sort of way for a scared kid more than once, but he's never admitted it out loud. 

"Last time we talked about kids, you said you were open to keep discussing it after the move," Sonny says after a few moments of silence. "I was gonna wait until we actually got all the boxes unpacked, but I'm happy to move the conversation up higher on my to-do list if you want."

Rafael pulls away so he can look at Sonny's face. "You're not mad I didn't tell you I'd applied to be a foster parent before?"

"No," Sonny says. "I mean, you told me you'd be willing to try and foster if I was okay with that, and you told me you'd be interested in older kids, so you basically told me everything I needed to know anyway."

"Getting rejected can make it harder to get accepted," Rafael replies. "I should have at least told you I'd been turned down previously."

Sonny smiles at him and cups his face. "You would have told me before we actually started getting the paperwork together. You didn't need to tell me until then."

Rafael tries to shake his head, but Sonny's still cupping his face. "I should have told you earlier," he says. "The rejection is a major part of why I've been so hesitant when you bring it up. If I'd just told you, we could already be halfway through the process."

Sonny shrugs and gives Rafael a quick kiss. "Maybe," he says. "But we wouldn't have an extra bedroom like we do now. We wouldn't have our finances in such good order if we hadn't decided to buy a place. We wouldn't have agreed to both try working from home a day or two a week so we can see each other more. Those are all things Child Services is going to consider when we apply now."

Rafael fists his hands into Sonny's sweatshirt and tugs him in close. They kiss again, this one a lingering, warm promise of everything they are to each other and what they can be as long as they work together. "Thank you," he says against Sonny's mouth. He's not sure if he's thanking Sonny for understanding why he'd been quiet about his previous attempt at parenthood or thanking Sonny for so simply showing him all the ways he has a better chance now at being a foster parent. 

"You're gonna be a great dad," Sonny says, nuzzling Rafael's cheek. "I'll be the fun dad, but you'll still be a great dad."

And Rafael throws back his head and laughs, the joy and excitement hitting him as quickly and fiercely as the sadness from a few minutes before. He pulls Sonny in again, tasting his smile against his own, and he knows that this time, it'll go differently. This time, it'll work out. That's just how it always seems to work with Sonny, and Rafael knows that he can trust in that even if he still worries about everything else.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks to FreckledSkittles for the beta!


End file.
